I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
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