I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
