i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
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