I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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