So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Quick, to the slutcave!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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