I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
