i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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