You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
