I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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