Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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