dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
