I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This toilet bowl is my home.
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