i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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