We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
And then my night got REAL pukey
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
