I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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