you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
