New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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