the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
