would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
