I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
