Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
