that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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