i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
