Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
