You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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