The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
