He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
