these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
