when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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