I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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