I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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