her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
