i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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