Quick, to the slutcave!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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