Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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