I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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