Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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