Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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