Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
