I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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