I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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