Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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