I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
