Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
