just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
