got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
