I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
