Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
