The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
