All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
