Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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