Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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