Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
