nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
