I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
