The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
